Happy mothers day 2011

I wrote this form my mom, Gail, for mothers day this year. She is recovering from cancer treatment and it was really hard to figure out a gift for her. She is not eating a lot of different things so food and candy were out. She can't be around people so we couldn't take her anywhere. My sister is painting her a picture and this is what I came up with.

Mom, I love you. Happy mother's day. Jenna

Home. Work.

When I was a kid I liked school. I felt safe there and I knew what I supposed to do and I liked being with my friends. So this is not the story of a struggling student barely making it. Not really. In fact, I was a good student who could get by most of the time with out really trying too hard. And that's what I did. I was pretty confident in my ability to skate, too. I knew then, just as I know now, how much I had to do to get by and make ok grades. I don't remember studying back then. I went to class and did my homework (usually) and that was enough. Most of the time. But not always. There were a few subject that I could not skate through. A few things that I could not fake my way through or reason out when it came to tests. These subjects were spelling and math.

So, when it came to spelling tests and multiplication tables, did I speak up? Did I say, “I'm not getting this,” or “I need help”? Of corse not. I was too used to being good at school. It hurt my pride to admit that something didn't come fairly easily to me. So, I did the only logical thing a 4^th grader can do, I got a D in math.

As you can imagine, this did not go over well with my parents who were also pretty used to me doing ok in school. They weren't mad. (My parents didn't really get mad about grades. Positive reinforcement was more their style.) But I knew that it was not ok and I felt disappointed in myself and guilty and embarrassed. (That is the beauty of their system. They didn't really have to punish me as I was exceptional at punishing myself.)

I remember feeling like no amount of studying or work on my part would get me out of this. I had totally given up long ago and to try to take on all the learning I had to do to catch up with my peers didn't even seem worth my time. I don't remember what grade I got in math that year. Probably a C (I do remember that I did not get another D). I struggled with basic math until I got into high school and to tell you the truth I still pretty much suck at it. But what I do remember about that time was that my mom sat at the kitchen table with me, almost every night, trying to teach me how to multiply fractions, and I was awful. I wined. I cried. I complained. I'm sure she hated it. Every night after working all day, making dinner and cleaning up, what did my mom have to look forward to? Her oldest daughter spending more time feeling sorry for herself about how hard math was than actually trying to learn how to do math. It must have been exhausting for her. And, it wasn't the first time she sat down to help me through something like this. Or the last.

Any time I needed help with something we would sit down and go over and over and over it until I either got it or we ran out of time. Spelling test? Lets make flashcards and go over them together. In first grade I didn't get 100% on one single spelling test. Not one. This is what she was up against.

Need to memorize the state capitals? My mom put up a map of the United states in our hall way and she and I would sit on the floor everyday after school when I was in 5^th grade and go over and over and over them. I still don't know them.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I was good at a lot of things, but the things I was bad at...well, I was horriffically bad at them.

So, while my mom really wanted to help me learn to spell and do math and recite the capitals of these United States ,she didn't. It wasn't her fault. She did everything a person could do. I just didn't really get them. Not in a way you would characterize as proficient. However, she did teach me something better (you knew that was coming, didn't you?).

I am 29 years old now and back in school after earning a BA from Fresno State. You would be surprised how often I think about those times at the kitchen table with my mom. I think about it when I sit down to study for a test, because what I learned from my mom was to have a system. She showed me that the only thing between me and success was a plan of attack. Every time she would help me we would figure out the best approach to learning that particular subject, we would set it up and go for it. If it didn't work she would change tactics. Flashcards not working? Spell the words out loud. Can't remember the capital of Washington? Of course you can “You know, Juno”. She was a creative thinker when it came to this kind of stuff. She would always find a way to help me even if, in the end I never really got it.

My mom really gave me a gift. She taught me to be a creative thinker and a problem solver. I am good at figuring out the best way to learn a lot of material in a short amount of time. It is one of my strengths. And it is a skill I really needed, because of my 29 years I have spent 21 of them in school. Because of my mom and those study sessions I feel like I can learn anything. Talk about a powerful feeling. Think about it. Anything I really want to do well, in my mind, I can do it. I just have to really (really) want it.

There are so many other things that my mom did for me. I could spend a life time describing ways she influenced me, recounting words she said to me. The older I get the more I understand the things she tried to teach me and why she thought they were important. And my ability to get through classes may not have been the most important thing she taught me, but then again maybe it is. Haven't I used those skills to get through every challenge in my life? Didn't my systematic patience help me accomplish goals that seemed daunting in the beginning?

How could I have known that while my mom was teaching me long division she was also teaching me not to give up even when breastfeeding was excrutiating. When she was helping me get through 3^rd graded spelling she was showing me that I could start over and try to do something I really want to do. Every time she said let's do it another way she showed me that if something's not working you find another way to do it. You make it work for you.

My dad always says that my mom was really good at being a mom. He says she treated it like a job. She read books and tried to learn about being mom. In short she studied. And it paid off. She always was and is a great mom. I try to be just like her when I am taking care of my son. I try to have the patience she had with me. I always keep in mind that you can't give up on your children when it seems like they are just not getting what you are trying to say to them. After all, you never know what you are really teaching someone while you are helping them with their homework.